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Ambiguous

by Vincent Bishop

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1.
When I’m hit, I get tense Nothing makes any sense No offense, but I’m overwhelmed by you I know some hasty boys Played with you like a toy It’s no joy that you fear I’ll do it too I’m ready to express my love But I don’t know where to start Yet not knowing what you’ve got to say Manipulates my tender heart Oh, please don’t make it worse Oh, please don’t make it worse I lay down through the night Holding you oh so tight Then I rise with only my blanket We’ve been friends for some time Now you beat in my mind I must find the right way to confess it Your heart is mild and precious I’d hate to see it break I’m alarmed right now Since there’s no time to make mistakes Oh, please don’t make it worse (Baby don’t make it, make it worse, baby don’t make it, make it, make it worse) Oh, please don’t make it worse (Baby don’t make it, make it worse, baby don’t make it, make it worse) Oh, little lady Don’t be afraid of me Trust in me And don’t ever let me be Say it again freely! Oh, please don’t make it worse (Baby don’t make it, make it worse, baby don’t make it, make it, make it worse) Oh, please don’t make it worse (Baby don’t, please don’t make it worse, don’t make it worse) Oh, little lady Don’t be afraid of me Trust in me And don’t ever let me be Please don’t make it worse
2.
Ambiguous 04:11
When I was five, it felt like getting born again But deep within, I was the same person The young man saying, “What the hell is all of this That Mom and Dad brought me into?” It was the year I moved straight to the Capital From a western land of domesticated animals Enrolling in a brand new school was radical Before long, shameful With the other kids around that they’d call “normal” We learnt to write, compute and read a novel But there were no classes on how to be sociable Or how to make an unwritten language legible A handful of people were understandable My odd behavior was noticeable So I was taken to therapy From that day on, the rest is history Apparently, my teachers, peers and family All knew more than what they were telling me Once I got to high school, things got worse I felt that something in me just didn’t work The nerdy look circulated enough To leave me with tough luck On making friends and finding love Everyone needs a laugh, but I’m the serious type Even though sometimes, the words don’t come out right But is it a joke, or is it mockery? How can our actions make no discrepancy? This life is ambiguous What makes us human The way we act The way we learn How we think How we interact How we all differ Having the same respect to earn I may have grown, but I can’t say a lot has changed I’m the same old little boy talking and acting strange At least I’ve started knowing more about myself But it’s still some heavy weight in my cells Academically, things can still get messy But I’m living some better times socially While only trying to improve mentally And stay friendly Taking control of anxiety Walking ‘round, seeing faces laughing Hands caressing, eyes staring Fingers grasping and lips kissing And this behavior makes me feel like I’m missing out And my phone is barely ever ringing I thought it was a right to feel appreciated Or, at the very least, be accepted I like hanging around till the party’s done But people don’t know where I’m coming from Speaking of comprehension, one hero of this earth Has put his heart to discover this human demeanor Coming by nature Low in nurture And that professor goes by the name of Hans Asperger It’s not an illness, it’s just a type of personality But how can I fit in with the other ones around me? If love is timid but we hate hostility Where can harmony be found? This life is ambiguous What makes us human The way we act The way we learn How we think How we interact How we all differ Having the same respect to earn What makes us human This life is ambiguous What makes us human
3.
A piano left on the street Is losing the notes in its keys Where has sung the hope For two harmonious souls Not letting go? I miss you, I’m blue, and I do wish to stay friends Nothing feels bigger than our distance And it kills me not to know When’s the next time I’ll see you Serenades and orchestral suites Both mark a thin line in between Each note from every line Is fighting hard to see the light And to survive I miss you, I’m blue, and I do wish to stay friends Nothing feels bigger than our distance And it kills me not to know When’s the next time I’ll see you Rain is falling on the strings The hammers pound, but nothing sings Can’t you help me, can’t you help me figure this out? Because… I miss you, I’m blue, and I do wish to stay friends Nothing feels bigger than our distance And it kills me not to know When’s the next time… When’s the next time… Will there be a next time when I’ll see you?
4.
Well, daddy told me, “Go ‘head and be happy” And now people think that I’m funny Mhm They don’t know I act more than I breathe Yeah In their eyes, I’m always a character In their eyes, I’m a liar It only breaks me down It’s my second nature I’m not who you think I am I want to break the figure Shred me some tears, brother! With shut off cameras and spotlights out Why is my real person still in doubt? Mhm How I miss the days when I was just a scout In their eyes, I’m always a character In their eyes, I’m a liar It only breaks me down It’s my second nature I’m not who you think I am I want to break the figure Said I’m not who you think I am I want to break the figure
5.
Moi, j’connais une belle fille / Du sud de l'Ontario / [bis] À reste dans une p’tite ville Du Grand Toronto [REFRAIN:] Femme prospère Fille d’enfer Faut ben qu’tu gères Tes affaires Le p’tit cœur à terre Et tes na na ni na nère De paroles en l’air Dans l'air pur et clair / Ah, dans l’air pur et clair / [bis] À reste dans une p’tite ville / Du Grand Toronto / [bis] Quant à moi, je réside L’autre bord d’la Gatineau Quand à moi, je réside / L’autre bord d’la Gatineau / [bis] Ah, mais à vient icitte Étudier la psycho Ah, mais à vient icitte / Étudier la psycho / [bis] Ça me fait réfléchir Si chez elle, tout est beau Ça me fait réfléchir / Si chez elle, tout est beau / [bis] J’aimerais l’emmener sortir Mais elle me tourne le dos J’aimerais t’emmener sortir / Mais tu me tournes le dos / [bis] T’es mieux de pas m’mentir Quand t’as trop de boulot T’es mieux de pas m’mentir / Quand t’as trop de boulot / [bis] Si j’te d’mandais d’partir N’serais-tu pas en morceaux ? J’te d’mande pas de partir / Malgré qu’j’suis en morceaux / [bis] J’préfère crever icitte Loin du Grand Toronto [ENGLISH TRANSLATION] I know a beautiful girl from Southern Ontario She stays in a small town from the Greater Toronto Area [CHORUS:] Prosperous woman, girl from hell You must manage your things with your worn out heart And your “na na na boo boo” empty words In the pure, clear air, ah, in the pure, clear air She stays in a small town from the Greater Toronto Area As for me, I live on the other side of Gatineau As for me, I live on the other side of Gatineau Ah, but she comes here to study psychology Ah, but she comes here to study psychology It makes me wonder is all is well with her It makes me wonder is all is well with her I’d like to take her out, but she turns her back on me I’d like to take you out, but you’re turning your back on me You better not be lying to me when you say you have too much work You better not be lying to me when you say you have too much work If I asked you to leave, wouldn’t you be torn in pieces? I’m not asking you to leave even though I’m torn in pieces I’d rather die here, far from the GTA
6.
Anvil 04:00
I’m an anvil I’m unstable I am hurting I’m feeling evil I’m a missile A pterodactyl Lost in my travels Since last time you walked out my door I don’t know what I’m living for And it could be so much easier If falling in love didn’t mean getting hurt I’m an anvil I’m unstable I am hurting I’m feeling evil I’m a missile A pterodactyl Lost in my travels Why did you have to leave too soon? Your scent left in my room smells like a tomb Why must I keep living like this Where I’m constantly breathing in the ashes? I’m an anvil I’m unstable I am hurting I’m feeling evil I’m a missile A pterodactyl Lost in my travels Come back [x4] Come back, you are loved [x4] You are loved [x7] You are loved
7.
Hold it right there! Girl, no play with me [x7] Girl, no Girl, you need to tell me who you think you are When you seem to try to mess with my heart You say you’re not that bad at making plans When replying takes you longer than a one-night stand I need to make my weekly schedule too And I’m getting so weary just waiting on you I’m ticking as the sun is giving way to the moon We planned to meet today, and now you’re overdue What could you possibly be up to To forget about what we’ve planned for two? So I’m stumbling on your profile, seeing what’s new Who are these four dudes laying ’cross your room? Girl, no play with me [x7] Girl, no “Are you free tonight? Give me the yay or nay” It’s the AM, send the message, now I wait Meanwhile, I’m working at the school to get my pay Sometimes, it does the job to wash the blues away My shift is done; my thigh begins to vibrate You reply, “Ugh… it was a hectic day!” You verbatim said the same yesterday But now you suggest a time you’re off duty Finally, I’ll see you on Monday Come ring my doorbell an hour past midday I’m getting psyched so I’ll start cleaning my place Once you shoot me a text saying you’re on your way Oh, there it is. She's coming. Minutes pass and on the couch I lay I really hope you’re finding your path okay And so my heart is falling into decay But then you show up an hour too late Well, at least you came although you’re quick to leave But later on, I’m walking to the open-mic scene SURPRISE! You’re here, hanging ’round my street First, you’re looking sideways so you can’t see me You’re with this guy you call a buddy, taking sips Whom I then see you grab by the hips and kiss And then you notice me, saying, “Look who it is!” Indeed, you’re not bad at making plans like THIS! Girl, no play with me [x7] NO GAMES ALLOWED! [x4] NO GAMES ALLOWED! (Don’t play) [x4] Even when love takes place You can’t cheat with no game This means DON’T PLAY!
8.
Message to all the ladies of the whole wide world Gather round and hear me out when I say… Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels I’m talking ’bout the ones with no to very little brushstrokes on the face Wearing casual clothes, free from stones with pure, enriching grace They come out the door, looking more beautiful than a flower Without having been caged at length inside the mirror I’m talking ’bout the ones that could embrace me Regardless of my height, my age My muscles and my wage That’s why I’m saying that… Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels I’m talking ’bout the ones that don’t need the side dish of a car, a pet or a baby And don’t expect me to be like any magazine model celebrity The ones that know how to say no and yes And don’t waste time playing with my head Because why make a mess with countless excuses When all in the world you could do is confess? Like when I’m saying that… Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels, that’s what I like best All of the simple damsels Let’s be people together We’re the birds of a feather One of you, be my lover You solve the conundrum and leave no more secrets Value the sum of the things that cost the smallest with A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love Whether you love champagne, beer or soft drinks Let’s pour it in and raise our glasses for a clink to A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love (With me, ladies!) A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels (One of us will be his lover) Simple damsels, that’s what I like best, oh Simple damsels, I don’t care about the rest All of the simple damsels Let’s be people together We’re the birds of a feather One of you, be my lover All of the simple damsels Let’s be people together We’re the birds of a feather One of you, be my lover And we singing A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love A little love, a little little love
9.
Yes, I know you have to go Where you’ll warmly be received I know you must pack your bags But you have nothing to retrieve Wait… Why leave this very instant? Stay… for a moment Give me another piece to fit in our history Give me another squeeze to keep you close to me Can’t you see every opportunity? Seize them just for you and me Before you go and leave This void in me So you’ll leave me questioning On how life treated you to feel this way The stars could burn out, the earth could run down The sun could lose its glare I want you to go nowhere Give me another piece to fit in our history Give me another squeeze to keep you close to me Can’t you see every opportunity? Seize them just for you and me Before you go and leave This void in me You’ll deeply be missed So it’s best to resist Why don’t you think through this Before we call it a lifetime? Keep talking to me If it’s love that you seek Let me feel you at peace So we can preserve this lifetime Ooh… [x4] Can’t you see this opportunity? Seize it just for you and me Before you feel the dreadful need To fly
10.
Sometimes the facts are painful; sometimes they’re not Your silent movie lingo keeps me tied up in knots If you’re shy to speak your heart out, you’re a lot like me But at the end of the day, the dialog relieves Please tell me yes or tell me no Please tell me yes or tell me no It’s for my own good and yours that we should speak the truth I don’t have the means to know if you feel the same way too Or if I should let you go, then I might share some gloom But if you leave me hanging, I’ll keep asking you to… Please tell me yes or tell me no Please tell me yes or tell me no Keep hiding as you please But how am I supposed to know? Keep hiding as you please But how am I supposed to know? Keep hiding as you please But how am I supposed to know? Keep hiding as you please But tell me yes or tell me no
11.
Know-it-alls may tell you things To degrade your belongings Will you believe them? It’s up to you They might say there’s a right way And guide you how to be okay Would you satisfy them? It’s up to you What if you’re perfect And you don’t feel it yet? Love is out there for you Will you take it or not? Your life paints your portrait So make it worth it And for any further touch It’s up to you There’s this special one you’ve found But does everything to let you down Will this pain continue? It’s up to you You may look the other side And see foreign colors shine Are they brighter or different? It’s up to you What if you’re perfect And you don’t feel it yet? Love is out there for you Will you take it or not? Your life paints your portrait So make it worth it And for any further touch It’s up to you Only you! If you look down in the water And your reflection is somber Would you recognize yourself? It’s up to you And you could try to possess every skill Or change your dress to kill But do you really have to? It’s up to you Though I don’t want you to ’Cause… What if you’re perfect And you don’t feel it yet? Love is out there for you Will you take it or not? Your life paints your portrait So make it worth it And for any further touch It’s up to you Your life paints your portrait So make it worth it And for any further touch It’s up to you It’s up to you It’s up to you
12.
Even When 03:57
Even when I can’t be left alone In this place I’ve made my home Even when it’s me against the world I’d rather love than be at odds 21st century, the earth, puzzle pieces Tension’s trying to release While there’s a fight for peace Self-disclosures on the increase True colors getting bleached Scrooges cruising for a bruising Spewing vicious loathing Waiting till the opponent loses Against groundless excuses I’m going to the superstore when I end up Seeing this vulture Screaming and yelling and telling this other person That they’re worthless For the words that they used Or for the way that they said ’em And I call that abuse I hope the manager Dismisses that offender I reject that anger I’ve seen better manners So I’m walking out the retailer Into another real life movie trailer Near neighbors’ dwellings, fanatics Hitting the roof with toys in the attic Feet on the streets increasingly frenetic Screeches and bullets wildly frantic How it got crazy like a stampede running over me It’s time I heard somebody spell out what happened to civil ethics What started this foul trend Setting a new standard for a citizen Calling some identity traits around the bend If leaning right is how you justify bigotry It doesn’t make you right, my friend Why is it so complicated For each individual to be respected? Discrimination against my fellows in the human race Only leaves me the same disgrace Even when I can’t be left alone In this place I’ve made my home Even when it’s me against the world I’d rather love than be at odds When did it become okay To call each other names Reduce another faith to a wraith And make someone’s liberty fade Even when we populate the same place in space? Is justice a delusion? I’m drowning in confusion Why can’t a world of inclusion Be nothing more than imagination? Segregation causing frustration Variation treated like intrusion Without notions about kinder solutions If there’s power up above Watching over the globe with boundless love What’s the meaning of that rough conduct? Times are too tough We don’t ask for much to live happy just being us There must be luck If we step things up Begin coexisting, living as one It can be done Think about it: Long gone oppression More affection Leading to less dejection No more exceptions Extinct conniptions and vexation In every location and nation Regardless of people’s orientations We must not wait, but bring the day of resolution With no better occasion for a celebration Of all people free to roam All safe and proud to share the same home Even when I can’t be left alone In this place I’ve made my home Even when it’s me against the world I’d rather love than be at odds Love for one and all [x5] Liebe für alle [German] Amor para todos [Spanish] Kukonda onse [Chichewa] De l'amour à tout le monde [French]

credits

released April 12, 2019

THANKS:

When I’m having a rough patch, my mother often challenges me to be grateful for some things. So here you go, ma, and I hope this makes up for the times I came up with nothing…

I’d like to start by showing my gratitude for this opportunity to share my music with you. Music is helping me find a comfortable place in this life and to connect with like-minded souls. For this second album, I chose to be more open about some of the things I’m going through and my enigmatic personality. I’m grateful to the people who are taking the time to hear me out, listen to my lyrics with an open mind, and are joining me on this journey searching for solutions to the ambiguity portrayed in the songs of this album. Thank you.

Jensen a.k.a. Old Man Grant! Thank you for your professionalism, enthusiasm and caring for this project. I also want to thank you for asking the right questions to better understand the meaning of my songs, and then helping me get my messages across. I’m proud to have worked with you! // Thanks to Joy a.k.a. Thandie Dice, the one who sings all the female vocals on this record. Just like on my debut album “Out of the Dark,” you have been an essential addition! I’m grateful to have had you on board once again. It’s always a fun time working with you! // Thanks to Agnes Malkinson and Peter Klaassen for adding emotion and intensity to a few songs with their beautiful string instruments.

And now to Spencer, who plays on practically every track on this record, and knows my own songs better than I do…sometimes! Really?! :/ Let’s be serious though. Thank you for your strong interest and dedication in making this album with me. More importantly, let me thank you for being the true definition of a friend. From the most difficult times to the happiest times, I can always count on you to believe in me and bring me an authentic smile. You’re awesome, buddy! THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!!

I’d like to give a special shout-out to my other dearest friends for being kind, accepting of who I am and putting up with my dark moments, specifically Kris, Chelsea, Sonia, Aura, Meghan, and Antoine, my longtime brother from another mother! Please accept my love and gratitude for making my life better. // Thanks to my family who keeps supporting me throughout my endeavors.

A special thanks to Melodie Chase and Everlane for their generosity and devotion to people like me. I am now able to wear my pride to be 100% human!

I dedicate this album to anyone living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Let’s keep advocating for ourselves. We are indeed 100% human! I hope you find yourself while listening to my songs. Enjoy this album!
 
((((Vincent))))
xoxoxo

----------------------------------------

REMERCIEMENTS:

Au cours de mes moments difficiles, ma mère me met souvent au défi de trouver des exemples de choses pour lesquelles je peux être reconnaissant. Alors voilà, maman, et j’espère compenser toutes les fois où je n’ai rien trouvé…
 
J’aimerais commencer par vous communiquer ma sincère gratitude pour cette opportunité de pouvoir partager ma musique avec vous. La musique m’aide à trouver ma place dans cette vie et à entrer en contact avec des gens qui pensent comme moi. Pour ce deuxième album, j’ai choisi d’exprimer plus ouvertement mes émotions sombres ainsi que ma personnalité énigmatique. Je suis reconnaissant envers les personnes qui prennent le temps d’être à l’écoute, avec l’esprit ouvert, et qui se joignent à moi dans cette aventure en cherchant des solutions aux ambigüités présentées dans les chansons de cet album. Merci.

À mon ingénieur de studio, Jensen Grant alias Old Man Grant ! Merci pour ton professionnalisme, ton enthousiasme et d’avoir eu à cœur le succès de ce projet. Je tiens également à te remercier d’avoir pris le temps de poser les bonnes questions pour mieux comprendre les messages de mes chansons afin de m’aider à bien les transmettre sur cet album. // À celle qui chante toutes les voix féminines sur cet album, Joy alias Thandie Dice ! Comme sur mon premier album “Out of the Dark,” tu as été une touche essentielle. Travailler avec toi est toujours un plaisir. // Merci à Agnes Malkinson et Peter Klaassen pour avoir accentué les émotions de certaines chansons avec leurs beaux instruments à cordes.

Et maintenant, à Spencer, qui joue pratiquement sur toutes les pistes de cet album, et qui parfois connaît mes propres chansons mieux que moi ! Mais soyons sérieux. Merci pour ton intérêt profond et ton fidèle partenariat pour réaliser cet album avec moi. Je peux toujours compter sur toi. Tu me fais toujours sourire et es la définition même d’un véritable ami.

Une autre mention spéciale va aussi à mes amis Kris, Chelsea, Sonia, Aura, Meghan et Antoine. Merci pour votre gentillesse, pour m’accepter comme je suis et pour m’accompagner dans mes moments sombres. Vous m’aidez à mieux vivre. // Merci, bien sûr, à ma famille qui continue de m’appuyer dans mon parcours de musicien.

Un merci spécial à Melodie Chase et Everlane pour leur générosité et leur appui dans ce projet. Grâce à eux, je peux porter ma fierté d’être humain à 100% !

Je dédie cet album à tous les gens qui vivent avec un Trouble sur le Spectre de l’Autisme (TSA). Continuons à nous faire valoir. Je le dis encore une fois, nous sommes humain à 100% ! J’espère que vous vous retrouverez dans cet album. Bonne écoute !
 
((((Vincent))))
xoxoxo

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Vincent Bishop Ottawa, Ontario

Vincent Bishop is a Canadian musician who wants to pursue a solo career as a singer-songwriter. He developed an affinity and talent for composing complex yet well balanced harmonies very early on.

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